anniversary message for my husband

first, i want to thank you... for coming into my life, for staying and for giving me a wonderful kid. you may not be the sweetest person i know, but you will always be the only person i'll ever love. the 2 years that passed hasn't been easy, and i know that the years to come will be hard as well, but i want you to know that i will never give up what we have started... ever. there are times that i fail to say and show you how much i care, but please remember that i'll never get tired of loving you. if i'd be given the chance to live my life again... i would still want you to be my husband and the father of my kids. happy anniversary... i love you. ü

it's been a week since i quit my job and so far... i feel great, as in! no regrets! don't get me wrong, i love my job, well at least i used to (hehe). ewan ko ba pero it came to a point na i'm not happy anymore. i stayed with the company for 1 year, 1 month, 14 days and 7 hours to be exact. i had a lotta good memories din naman... lotta real friends.. and a lotta money (harhar!). pero being with my family is more important than anything else and i'm always willing to give up everything for them. ü

i was on my way to work the other day, i usually leave the house at 1am 'coz i have to be in alabang at 2 o'clock. since i don't know how to drive and i don't have a car (haha), i had to ride the jeep going there. it's not really that scary and dangerous in our place during that time, so i am somehow comfortable to travel. there were like 5 of us inside the jeep when a guy smiled at me and delivered a very lousy chat up line, hehehe. we were still in san pedro and he asked me, "ahhm.. miss... alabang na ba to?" in my mind, i was like helloooo?! are you from mars? hehe. but since he asked me in a nice way naman & being the friendly person that i am (hehe), i answered "no, we're still in san pedro". he apologized, and offered a handshake. of course at first, i was hesitant, but i don't want to be rude so i accepted it. he said "hi. i'm jason, and you are?". i thought it would be best not to give my real name, so i gave a different one. ahmm... he looks good naman, hindi naman sya mukhang bad. he's like one of those guys working in northgate... hehehe. so there... after a few minutes of asking me about myself (i didn't tell him everything syempre.. hehe) he asked me where i was going, sabi nya "hatid na kita". kamusta naman yun dba. so even if he insisted, syempre hindi ako pumayag. he asked me if he could have my number. of course i didn't give it to him. i said i'm friendly... not a whore.. hehe. just kidding. so it ended up with him giving me his number. pero syempre i didn't text him... and i'm not planning to. haay....
well nwei... whoever you are, jason or jayson of muntinlupa, i don't even know how you spell your name or if it really is your real name, just in case you didn't notice my wedding ring... i'm married na po... and i love my husband. i was just being friendly 'coz you approached me in a nice way naman eh. anyway... it was nice talking with you... ü

No Matter What

© Lokagirl19

no matter what other people say
i'll stay beside you come what may
even if it cause me so much pain
i'll stand with you throughout the rain

no matter what other people do
doesn't matter as long as i have you
however they try to separate us
will never take away my trust

no matter what other people see
you'll always look perfect for me
the man that i long to be with
only you, there's no one else that i need

let's build our dreams together
i know we can make it through forever
even if they want to see us apart
i will love you baby, no matter what...

Southern Luzon Hospital and Medical Center - Greenfield City, Sta. Rosa, Laguna

i wanna share this experience i had with this hospital. i was at the office yesterday afternoon when i felt this terrible headache again, for the nth time. fortunately, my boss was really kind enough and asked me if i wanted to go to the hospital. being the hard headed that i am, i refused. after a couple of minutes, i felt i really can't take it anymore. and so my boss called this hospital and 5 minutes later, i was being picked up by an ambulance. imagine.... headache.. in an ambulance, with 2 nurses and the "wang wang" thing. argh! nakakahiya kaya. so there.... the guy nurse was talking to me on our way to the hospital, asking me how do i feel and whatnot. when we arrived at the hospital, a guy who was pulling a wheelchair approached me, asking me to sit on it. of course, i said no... thanks... hehehe. inside the ER, a nurse asked me to lie down, fixed the bed til i was comfortable, while the other was getting my vital signs and the other was asking me personal infos they need for the hospital records. wow! suddenly, everybody was so busy like it was really an emergency. they were all nice and looks like they were dedicated to their jobs. and the doctor was nice as well. unlike my experiences with other hospitals, where the doctors don't even know how to smile, it was different there. he was so patient in answering my questions an he was good in explaining what to i need to do, eat and whatnot. so there... in case anyone of them get a chance to read this, i want them to know i really appreciate how they took care of me. oh and the findings was t/c iron deficiency anemia, hypoglycemia. ewww... sounds scary! hehehe. but the doctor said it really has nothing to worry about, just have to eat more and take the meds. oh whatever.... for the first time in my life, i had a great experience at a hospital. hehe.

More Than Words

© Lokagirl19

no words could ever say
how i feel for you each day
even though you're miles away
in my heart, you'll always stay

if i can say all the things i want to
and whisper in your ears how much i love you
but it's hard for me to do
because more than words, i care for you



for mr.you-know-who-you-are... heheheh

One Last Cry

© Lokagirl19


since you walked out that door
i felt i had nothing to live for
you're the only one i adore
with you, i couldn't ask for anything more

but what else can i do
now that you've found someone new
i just hope she'll take care of you
the way i did when i was with you

but before i say goodbye
and let this feelings die
tonight, no matter how i try
i'd still have my one last cry....

i came across the story of lindbergh (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindbergh_kidnapping) kidnapping case, it somehow reminded me of baby p (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Baby_P). different stories, but both ended tragically. it breaks my heart everytime i hear stories like that. i was never good when it comes to kids. i'm not the kind of person who could interact and play with any kid out there, but i sure do always have a soft spot in my heart for them. i mean, i don't see any goddamn reason why would someone hurt an innocent child. and i can't imagine how would a parent manage to look at their child in front of them, lifeless. being a parent myself, my mind is set that i would leave this world first before my children, if you know what i mean. my heart aches everytime a baby or a child dies because of a non-sense reason, or even if it does have (if there is such a thing). see, we were once like them. imagine if it happened to us when we were their age, helpless. we were lucky eh. so why don't we just give them back the favor di ba. i mean, if you can't love them and care for them, at least try not to hurt them.
oh well.... nwei, i figured, god always has a reason for everything that's happening. maybe he thinks that children like them would be safer in heaven, with him. i just feel sorry for the lives of some children, taken away from them, even before they knew and experience what really life is all about.

i just wanna share the very first poem i wrote way back in high school when i had my very...

First Broken Heart
© Lokagirl19

i still can remember
on the seventeenth day of october
when you said you'll love me forever
and we will always be together

my feelings get stronger everyday
i had loved you in my own special way
i don't care what other people will say
all i want is for you to stay

but you took my love for granted
because you hate the way i acted
then my sleepless nights started
when the two of us parted

my world began to fall
and i don't know how to mend at all
i can't help but cry every time i recall
all the memories we had before

and now that i'm all alone
missing the times we're talking on the phone
promise to love you forever
my first broken heart, i'll always remember...



i wonder where he is right now.... hehehehe

nicholas sparks

i was never a book lover.. not until i read nicholas sparks novels. first was "message in a bottle", then "nights in rodanthe" and i just finished "the wedding". one thing i can say is, mahal ko na sya grabe! hehehe. i regret not reading books when i was younger, i should have read a lot by now. coz i dont have much time to read anymore eh, specially when i'm at home. now i can only read in the office, yah i have lots of idle time at work (hi boss! hehehe). mitch albom is also good. i've read his "the five people you meet in heaven", "tuesdays with morrie" and "for one more day". though both of their stories has sometimes "death" in its theme, and sometimes one of the main characters will die in the end, it's fine eh. sana they'll write more books pa, coz it's really worth reading.

=(

i woke up this morning with a terrible headache, as in! really bad, that i wanted to bang my head against the wall. but i can't do anything than to endure the pain, that i'll just end up crying. i don't know why, may be the rain when i went home yesterday (umbrella?! what's that? hehe). oh well, nwei... i wish i have someone to take care of me. someone who'll ask me what do i wanna eat, or remind me to take a medicine. i wish my daughter is old enough, i'm pretty sure she's gonna take care of me. haayy.....
the sad part is, even if i want to and need to stay in bed the whole day, i just can't. because i have a little kid to take care of.
argh! life sucks... =(

sigh..

"Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face-I know it is an impossibility, but I cannot help myself. My search for you is a neverending quest that is doomed to fail. You and I had talked about what would happen if we were forced apart by circumstance, but I cannot keep the promise I made to you that night. I am sorry, my darling, but there will never be another to replace you. The words I whispered to you were folly, and I should have realized it then. You-and you alone-have always been the only thing I wanted, and now that you are gone, I have no desire to find another. Till death do us part, we whispered in the church, and I've come to believe that the words will ring true until the day finally comes when I, too, am taken from this world."

"When I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days with your heart. "

"My darling,
It’s late at night, and as I sit at my desk, the house is silent except for the ticking of the grandfather clock. You’re asleep upstairs, and though I long for the warmth of your body against my own, something compels me to write this letter, even though I’m not exactly sure where to begin. Nor, I realize, do I know exactly what to say, but I can’t escape the conclusion that after all these years, it’s something I must do, not only for you, but for myself as well. After thirty years, it’s the least I can do. Has it really been that long? Though I know it has, the very thought is amazing to me. Some things, after all, have never changed. In the mornings, for instance, my first thoughts after waking are-and always have been-of you. Often, I’ll simply lie on my side and watch you; I see your hair spread across the pillow, one arm above your head, the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Sometimes when you’re dreaming, I’ll move closer to you in the hope that somehow this will allow me to enter your dreams. That, after all, is how I’ve always felt about you. Throughout our marriage, you’ve been my dream, and I’ll never forget how lucky I’ve felt ever since the first day we walked together in the rain. I often think back on that day. It’s an image that has never left me, and I find myself experiencing a sense of déjà vu whenever lightning streaks across the sky. In those moments, it seems as if we’re starting over once more, and I can feel the hammering of my young man’s heart, a man who’d suddenly glimpsed his future and couldn’t imagine a life without you. I experience this same sensation with nearly every memory I can summon. If I think of Christmas, I see you sitting beneath the tree, joyfully handing out gifts to our children. When I think of summer nights, I feel the press of your hand against my own as we walked beneath the stars. Even at work, I frequently find myself glancing at the clock and wondering what you’re doing at that exact moment. Simple things-I might imagine a smudge of dirt on your cheek as you work in the garden, or how you look as you lean against the counter, running a hand through your hair while you visit on the phone. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I’ve ever done, and looking back, I know that I should have told you how much you’ve always meant to me.
I’m sorry for that, just as I’m sorry for all the ways I’ve let you down. I wish I could undo the past, but we both know that’s impossible.
From this point on, I will become the man I always should have been. I’ll become a more romantic husband, and make the most of the years we have left together. And in each precious moment, my hope is that I’ll do or say something that lets you know that I could never have cherished another as much as I’ve always cherished you. "


hayy.... i wonder where this man get his ideas from.....

long day...

it has been a long day for me. i'm super tired... physically, mentally & emotionally... hay... i'm starting to get bored with my job. i remember when i was younger, i always dream of becoming a plain and loving housewife... who will never forget to give her husband a kiss & a hug at the frontdoor when he get off to work & come back in the afternoon. i'll make sure that he always had his breakfast before he go and have his favorite food waiting for dinner. and while he's gone, i'll be the one to take care of our kids. but it's different pala when you get there. that's how it is right now eh. i have a lot of plans & dreams for my baby. that i wanted to work to give her everything she needs and wants, if not more than that. and when i see her, i would know that she's the only reason why i keep holding on.
but sometimes i still want to stay with her the whole day. i wanted to be the first to teach her abc's and 123's. i wanted to see all her journeys & every single step she take as she grow older. i wanted to be there to make sure she's doing fine.
haay... i wish she knew that i'm doing this for her. and when i get home, her smile is all i need to ease everything... after a long day of work...

sulat ni nanay at tatay

very touching. this one really got into me, not just as a daughter but as a mother as well. you will really understand your parents when you become a parent yourself. this is something for our kids to read in the future when they get older.

Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensiyahan.

Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan
o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan.
Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako sa tuwing sinisigawan mo ako.

Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan
ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan
ng "binge!" paki-ulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat nalang.
Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako.

Kapag mahina na ang tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong
tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo
noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay
nagiging makulit at paulit-ulit na parang sirang plaka.
Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako. Huwag mo sana akong
Pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan.

Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa?
kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo 'yong sasabihin,
maghapon kang mangungulit hangga't hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo.
Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.

Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa.
Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko.
Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan.

Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kitang habulin
Sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit,
Dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.

Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo, kahit sandali lang.
Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap.

Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik
Na akong makakwentuhan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko.

Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa?
Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin
ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear.

At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako'y magkakasakit
at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman,
huwag mo sana akong pagsawaang alagaan.

Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan,
Pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay.
Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal.

Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay
At bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan.

At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha,
ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagpalain ka sana ….
Dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama't ina…

Rev. Fr. Ariel F. Robles
CWL Spiritual Director
St. Augustine Parish
Baliuag, Bulacan